


Please, don't leave me...

by iheartredink



Category: Supernatural
Genre: BDSM, Dean in Denial, Dom Castiel, Dom/sub, Getting Together, M/M, Masturbation, Slow Build, Sub Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 19:36:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5017738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iheartredink/pseuds/iheartredink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was all Sam’s fault.</p><p>[Or how a simple salt and burn introduces Dean to the world of BDSM, which turns into an obsession that leads to frustration. Dean figures out that there is someone in his life that he trusts to make his fantasy a reality.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little note about how I don't own Supernatural, the characters, the Impala, etc. I am just an obsessed fan that would totally and embarrassingly fangirl if I ever met anyone from the show. 
> 
> This fic is an idea I've had for a while. For the sake of this story, just imagine that the MoC has been removed, but the darkness never came, Cas has his mojo back, and Sam and Dean are awesome bros. Thanks for reading and reviews are welcome! Oh, and note that mistakes and errors are all mine.

This was all Sam’s fault.

Dean clutched his baby’s steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white as he consciously breathed in and out. Sam was the researcher. Sam knew what they were walking into but neglected to tell Dean. Of course, Sam apologized for not clarifying what he had thought was obvious, but it didn’t matter now. The damage was done.

Dean hummed along with Metallica...it calmed him. He felt Sam’s gaze on him. Sam was worried about Dean obviously and was going to want to talk about feelings eventually. Dean wasn’t sure how that was going to go down because he needed to sort through his own muck of emotional constipation first before he could even bother to explain it. No. That wasn’t right either. He wasn’t explaining this even when he figured out what this was. What he felt when they entered that place wasn’t...right. He should have freaked out. Instead he was intrigued. Turned on. Curious.

Finally he got with the program and freaked out, but he wasn’t freaked out over what Sam thought he was freaked out over. Sure, seeing it all brought up images from his time in Hell. Images that he tried to bury in a box locked behind all the other suppressed shit in his mind. Dean was the king of suppression. He also was the king of being slapped in the face with something that causes him to remember all that suppressed shit, which was why it was not a shock that Sam concluded that Dean’s freak out was like some PTSD episode.

Dean was horrified that he was turned on by what he was seeing instead of freaking out, which seriously freaked him the fuck out. He should have run away as fast as he could because that is what any sane, rational person would do after seeing things that would obviously remind them of what they endured while in Hell. He had seen stuff like that in the dungeon of the bunker, but to see that stuff in that context...

Dean was thankful that it was a simple salt and burn. They were headed back toward the bunker, and Dean hoped the desire and curiosity would be left behind but he felt it chasing him just as determined as the hounds of hell were to drag him to hell. Dean wished he had never set foot in Leather Underground...a BDSM club.

Damn it. That was all Dean needed. On top of everything else in his life that was fucked up, he obviously was turned on by fucking kinky sex and didn’t realize it until he walked into that damn club.

 

__________

 

Sam was worried about Dean. He could tell that being in that place freaked him out, and Sam cursed himself that he didn’t realize why until it was too late. Dean was the king of denial and suppression.

Sam had a friend from college email him about a problem in a club he attended occasionally called Leather Underground. He explained that after telling their friend Zach about what was happening, Zach told him about how Sam and Dean had helped keep him out of prison because apparently crazy crap existed like shapeshifters. Sam wasn’t surprised that his friend Zach shared his experience with Brent. Sam also wasn’t surprised that Brent was involved in Leather Underground, because in college Brent was very open about his adventurous sex life.

Sam just made the mistake of assuming that Dean knew what kind of club Leather Underground was, but Sam kept forgetting that for all the crap that Dean has been through he still was very clueless with some things.

Like seriously, Sam will never forget the time that Dean didn’t understand what MySpace was. Obviously, no one uses it anymore, but still…

Shaking his head, Sam turned toward Dean. They were almost back to the bunker, and Sam was hoping that being home would help ease Dean’s...unease. So far, Dean was white knuckled driving and humming Metallica. That right there alerted Sam more than anything that Dean was freaking out, and wished he had told Dean to stay behind. He probably could have just called on Cas to come help if he had needed it. Sam sighed as he looked out the passenger side window unseeing the countryside zooming by as he contemplated all the regrets from the last few days.

 

__________

Dean huffed as he turned over in his bed. It’s been a week since they returned from the job at Leather Underground. Dean had spent quite a bit of the time drinking but unfortunately all getting drunk did was make him retire to his room and jerk off drunk to thoughts of being spanked. He decided to skip the bottle tonight, but he couldn’t keep the fantasy from edging into his mind. His dick was hard and the more Dean refused to touch himself, the harder (literally and figuratively) it was to ignore. His eyes landed on his phone and Dean decided to let technology distract him.

He started out watching cat videos on youtube because they were never ending, but after watching a couple of those Dean realized his hard on wasn’t going to go away until he did something about it.

He lowered his boxers and gasped as the cool air graced over his heated flesh. He wanted to touch himself so badly, but he waited. He didn’t want to give in to this. He didn’t want to give in to the fantasy. In the end, he gave in.

Dean doesn’t know what made him do it, but he turned over on all fours and the heaviness of his cock hanging down was almost enough to make him touch himself, but still he waited. He lowered himself onto his arms and he wondered what he looked like on his bed with his ass raised up in the air and his dick and balls weighing down heavily between his thighs.

What in the hell was wrong with him? He pulled himself up until he was kneeling on his bed, his head hung in defeat. He imagined a hand pushing him down until he was in his previous position. He knew how it felt to be beat and to be struck, but imagining a hand coming down on his ass was difficult to imagine. His cock was leaking, and he hadn’t even touched himself yet. He was still waiting as long as he could. He didn’t think he could wait any longer. His breathing was erratic and he was frustrated because as much as he tried to imagine being spanked it was difficult when he couldn’t feel it. He wrapped his hand around his cock and gathered some of the precome on his hand to help lube the way. He was determined to last as long as he could so he started out slow. His hips thrusting his cock into his fist in desperation as he chased his orgasm. He sped up his strokes as he moaned into his pillow. He bit down on his pillow as he came with a loud moan...his load splashed under him, but he didn’t care as he slumped down into the wet come.

He slipped off to sleep without a care about the come spot under him, and the last thought he had as he drifted off was how that was the best orgasm he had ever experienced and he gave it to himself.

He was so fucked.

 

___________________

 

Dean needed to do some research. He wanted to understand his fantasy of being spanked. He needed to learn more about what occurred in those clubs. He just needed more…

He sat in his room with his laptop that he used for porn more than anything. He had thought about looking up BDSM porn, but Dean wasn’t sure he could handle that yet. So he googled BDSM. Holy shit, there was a lot of information out there.

He started with Wikipedia. Yes, he knows it isn’t reliable and all that jazz, but he just needed something to tell him the basics. He read about Dominants and submissives, tops and bottoms, power exchanges, and his mind was on freaking overload thank you very much. Freaking overload on new spank bank material.

That’s just it. All of this is just for his own personal me-time. There was no way in hell he was allowing anyone this type of power over him. A good hunter would never allow himself to be tied up. And that thought was what made him realize something about himself that he hadn’t even thought of yet.

In every fantasy, idea, image he had since being awakened to this via that stupid salt and burn job at Leather Underground he was the one in the submissive role. Oh, no. He isn’t submissive. He was the opposite of submissive. He was definitely a Dominate. Right?

He leaned back in his chair and realized he was hard just reading about all of this. He had on sweats so he pulled those down and grabbed his cock bringing it fully hard as he thought about some of his favorite porn. He imagined bending them over and spanking them, but it felt...wrong. His fantasy somehow switched to him being the one bent over while a firm hand worked his backside. He came with a shout when he thought about how red his ass would look after getting a spanking.

He sighed as he resigned himself to facts. There was no going back to vanilla fantasies, and he was apparently going to be the submissive in each one of those scenarios.

He went back to Google. He thought for a minute before he finally settled on searching for what to look for in a Dominate.

____________________


	2. Information Overload

Sam was in the kitchen eating a salad when Cas wandered into the kitchen. Even though Cas had all his angel mojo back, he retained many of his human characteristics. Sam cleared his throat. "Hi, Cas."

"Hello, Sam." Cas sat down in a chair at the table directly across from Sam. He watched quietly as Sam finished his last bite of salad.

"Cas, I have a favor to ask. I know you won't like it, but...I don't know what to do." Sam's unease showed as Cas nodded.

"Dean hasn't been...himself...since we did that last job. It was a simple salt and burn, but the location was in a place that I think may have triggered some bad memories for Dean." Sam paused for a minute. He took a sip of his water. "He hasn't come out of his room much since we came home. I am just worried about him."

"What sort of place was this that could cause this?" Cas asked.

"Well, the place is...a club. Leather Underground. It is a..." Sam was turning a little red now and wiped his hands across his face. "It's a BDSM club." Sam was really hoping that he wasn't going to have to explain that to Cas.

"Ah, I see. So, I am guessing that Dean seen some of the instruments used in scenes and it may have caused him to think of his time spent in Hell. Is this your fear?" Cas seemed to understand what he was talking about so that was a relief.

"Yeah, Cas. Wait...you know about BDSM?" Sam frowned as he considered how an angel who seemed so innocent and clueless knew about BDSM. Sam also wondered how his brother, the king of one night stands and porn, was the one that turned out to be the clueless one when it came to BDSM. 

Cas smiled softly. "Yes, Sam. I learned much over the millennia, but I also learned quite a bit as a human. I have never participated in the lifestyle of course, but I know that human sexuality is a complex issue. I'm not quite sure how you want me to help Dean though?" 

"I thought maybe you could, you know, try and see if you could figure out if Dean is alright. You know, using your powers..." Sam hated asking Cas to use his angel powers, but he was worried about Dean.

"Dean doesn't like when I use my powers to read his mind."

"I know, but..."

"Sam, I will do my best to figure it out without using my powers. I will check in on him."

Sam nodded as he understood that Cas had a difficult time betraying his best friend.

___________________

Dean had spent a lot of time on the internet researching BDSM. One thing that irritated him was discovering that he was submissive, but he couldn't deny that the thought of being dominant in his fantasies just left him unsatisfied. He understood now how the two dynamics worked with each other, how they benefited from it, and he was intrigued way more than he wanted to admit with the whole domestic discipline aspect of it. Of course, the chances of him finding a woman to dominate him like that was about as likely as someone getting hit by lightening or whatever statistic people liked to use. And that led to the other thing that irritated him...

Dean Winchester liked women. He loved having sex with women, loved watching porn starring women (sometimes more than one woman), loved going to strip clubs, but in his fantasies he was having a hard time imagining a woman spanking him or dominating him.

His fantasies were definitely starring the heavy hand of a man.

Dean shivered as he thought about what that meant.

Dean had thought this through. Unfortunately. He was a strong man. He just couldn't see himself submitting to someone that was unable to physically take him down, so that left very few possibilities. Of course, part of submission was that it was a voluntary. Like a gift to the Dom. Dean could understand that, but after all the research he has a pretty good idea of the kinks he would like to try based on his arousal level when he read about it. He definitely liked the thought of being spanked. Being manhandled into position also gets his blood boiling, but Dean knows that in order for it to feel real it would have to be a man doing it. Little Dean responded really well to the power that would only be found in the hands of a man.

Dean was depressed now because he knew that there was no way he could go to a club and relax. There could be demons in a place like that just waiting to get Dean Winchester all tied up and at their mercy. No, thank you. He also couldn't just pick someone up at a bar and say "dominate me, baby." If there was one thing that Dean had learned in all his research was that it had to be safe, sane, and consensual, and trust was huge. That was what was so depressing. There wasn't anyone he could meet that he would trust like that. Everyone else was family. And ew.

He was in his bed trying to come to terms that he would just have to settle with fantasies and one night stands like he always has when he heard the knock on his door. He knew it was Cas from his knock. "Come on in, Cas." He watched as Cas came through the door and walked over to his bed. Dean scooted over on the bed so Cas could sit.

"Hello, Dean."

"Hiya, Cas. Sam send you in here to check on me?" Dean sighed deeply as he thought about how Sam was probably puzzled over Dean's retreat into his bedroom for hours at a time. Little did Sam know that Dean was fine. Just doing research...and jerking off. A lot.

"He did. He is worried about you, Dean. As am I, if you are spending an inordinate amount of time in your bedroom."

"I'm fine. Samantha can stop worrying."

"Dean, if you are moping around in your room and sleeping a lot that could be a sign of depression. He mentioned the club. He is worried that it may have triggered some unpleasant memories from...your past." Cas' head tilt would always be adorable to Dean even if what he was said pissed him off.

"Cas, I am fine. The club was...different. But I am fine. Really. I am just...thinking. About stuff." Dean knew he was screwing this up and hoped Cas wouldn't be able to see through it. Sam would have seen straight through that flimsy excuse.

Cas sighed as he seemed to accept what Dean was saying. They talked a little more about nothing in particular and Dean never realized when he drifted off to sleep.

___________________

Cas watched Dean as he slept. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully for now, but Cas thought he would stick around just in case his dreams turned troubling. Cas knew that Dean was hiding something. He was sure of it. Dean had a tendency to not ask for help, and Cas would try to help without invading Dean's privacy. However, he felt like Dean was his charge. He still felt it was his duty to protect Dean. Well, both Winchester's, but mostly Dean. He decided then that he would watch Dean closely and see what was going on and he wouldn't tell Sam anything unless it was something life threatening, which knowing the Winchester's that was always a possibility.

After what seemed like a couple of hours, Dean began to moan slightly. Cas watched him intently as he listened. Cas decided to wait and see what happened first and if it got too bad he would interrupt the dream. Dean continued to moan softly, and Cas was unsure what to do. He didn't want to invade Dean's privacy, but he also needed to make sure that the man was ok.

Cas wasn't in Dean's mind long before realizing that he really should have listened to Dean when he said he was fine. Cas sighed and looked up as he realized that Sam had the situation. Dean wasn't suffering from some sort of PTSD triggered by the BDSM club. No, Dean was suffering from the desire to submit so strongly that it was consuming him. Cas worried his bottom lip as he struggled with what to do with this information. He would tell Sam that Dean was ok and dealing with his issues just fine.

Cas thought about Dean's dream. His desire had been so strong and all consuming that Dean hadn't even realized Cas was observing him being held down and spanked. Cas watched in fascination as Dean's dream featured a man that resembled Cas but the face was blurry so he couldn't be sure. It was like Dean was blocking out the face of the man on purpose, but it was definitely a man that was built like Cas and had dark hair.

Cas had been human long enough to feel desire, and thinking about Dean...thinking about spanking Dean and being the one to bring forth such delicious moans from Dean's mouth had Cas hardening in desire. The thought of Dean risking the club or a one night stand to get the satisfaction he needed through submission was enough to make Cas' fist clench in determination. He couldn't allow Dean to do that.

He could alter his memories...no...he couldn't do that either. If Dean ever found out that Cas had messed with his mind that way, he would never forgive him.

He wondered...could he possibly give Dean what he needed? He watched as Dean began to barely thrust his hips upwards like he was desperately seeking something. Cas watched for a second before deciding that it was best to leave. He had betrayed Dean's trust enough as it was.

Besides if he was ever fortunate enough to watch Dean reach orgasm, then he wanted it to be while Dean was awake and totally aware of Cas being there.


End file.
